Cocktails

Still glowing in the warmth of the alcohol laced cocktails from the weekend....

Here is a list of a few of my favourite cocktails:

Pina Colada - A mixture of pineapple juice, coconut and rum. Sometimes actually tasting better WITHOUT the rum!

Strawberry Daiquiri - Fresh strawberries blended with strawberry liquer and white rum. 

Long Island Iced tea - Basically just coke with every type of spirit available!

Sex on the beach - Vodka, Orange Juice, Peach Schnapps and Cranberry.

Notice how I lean towards the rum based drinks.

I don't like gin, and I don't really like tequila. If i can't ever choose from a given menu I will usually just tell a waiter that I would like "something fruity". 

Cocktails are a mixture of many ingredients, one must be a spirit. They disappeared from the "cool wall" in the 60's and 70's, yet have hit our bars again since late 90's.

What do you like? Mojito? Alabama Slammer? Punch? Martini?

TGI Friday! Boo its Sunday!

Had a new experience this weekend!


My boyfriend and I visited TGI Friday in Westfield shopping center Stratford.
I have never been to one before, however it soon became apparent that he had.


It looked very like our sort of place. We both love typical American food, BBQ etc.

I have to admit, once I knew we were going there, I was glazing over the menu pretty much every day leading up to our visit. 


We decided to share a starter of buffalo wings. They were amazing! Slightly spicy and with an amazing blue cheese dip and celery. Such a simple dish, yet it tasted SO GOOD!
For mains we both opted for the half rack BBQ ribs (a full rack looked far too big!) with the shrimp combo. Again, AMAZING. The ribs were so tender, they literally fell off the bone. The chips were amazing too. They served the ribs with a pot of BBQ glaze. Have to say my fingers were rather sticky by the end of it!


I would highly recommend TGI Friday for food, but the other side of it is the bar.  We sat in the bar for a bit while waiting for a table. The bartenders bizzyly creating endless concoctions from a multitude of spirits and liquers.

I've heard that in the menu, there are over 500 different types of cocktails to choose from......
I did a quick calculation:
If you averaged at 4 visits per year, having 2 cocktails on each visit....
It would take you 62 years to work your way through the entire menu!


I'd be 83 by the time i'm finished!


So what did we have? 
We both went for large, served in a MASSIVE glass, resembling a goldfish bowl. I started with "Purple Rain", a deliciously naughty blend of rum, vodka, blue curaco, chambord and grenadine. While my boy had Barbados iced tea, a tropical take of the traditional Iced tea with vodka, triple sec, barcadi, malibu and pineapple juice.


We finished those ones too quickly though. So, what a shame, had to order another with the meal! :)
This time my boyfriend had the Purple Rain, and I had a Beverly Hills Iced tea, created entirely from alcohol! Rum, Vodka, Triple Sec, Gin and Champagne!


So looking forward to going back again! I hope it is soon!
I've signed my boyfriend up to the birthday club! (it's his 20th in July!) with a voucher for free cocktails!!! :) He doesn't know this yet.........well.....he does now!

And now.....UNDER the weather!!

*sniff sniff* *cough cough*


I have had a cold for the last 3 days!!
I always feel that if one is ill for more than 3 days then it gets VERY annoying. 3 days is the cut off point!


I always think cold and illnesses are worse  when you are not quite ill enough for bed, but your also not well enough to get on with things. It leaves you in a state of uselessness and longing to get over whatever you have and get on with life again.


I've been at the vicks! GOOD STUFF. Been shoving it into a hot sink and leaning over it and scrubbing it liberally all over my chest, inhaling manically. Off to get some "menthol crystals" later, no idea what they are but sounds good! I'm just struggling with congestion today, can't shift it. Not sure which is worse, sitting down or moving around.
I always think it's amazing how you never get the same cold twice. We call them "colds" everytime we get them.....but they are all different!


I am determined not to be ill this weekend.
I'm off to London again for Olympic rehearsal number 3! And so don't really want to be going into it feeling run down. Going down on Saturday to spend the afternoon and night with my boyfriend. And seriously want to be well enough for good food and alcohol!




And seriously can I just say HELLO to everyone around the world!! :) I'm branching out!

Crap Weather = Spring Clean

Gosh not written an entry in a few days!
Hi everyone! :) I'm still alive!


Wild and wet weather out there. Typical Britain. Doesn't know what it wants to do, rain.....snow.....hail....sun.....wind....tornado!


Crappy weather keeps the majority of us stuck indoors. Which for me, means spring cleaning!
Getting rid of old clothes, toys etc

Looking to the very back of my cosmetic draw, finding eyeshadows I never knew I had, or neon lipsticks that I only ever used/ needed once! From my experience in a charity shop, make-up is pretty useless once it's been opened, shame. They need to invent some make-up recycling scheme. 


I feel like every one of my possessions throughout the house is being labelled.
KEEP
SELL
CHARITY
DUMP


Keep moving or you'll be labelled!
I only have a few days left before my family leave for 3 weeks. That is my time to SERIOUSLY sort everything out. Get on top of all my stuff and get organised. I'm going to be ruthless. 


Right now I can lie in bed and mentally label everything.......

Good Olde Pub Grub!

I can lie in bed now with my digestive biscuits and a honey, lemon and Whisky.
Oh woe is me! LOL


I'm actually quite hungry. (I always am hungry)
So let's talk about and drool over traditional English pub grub!


Everything from traditional beer battered fish and chips, to a steak and kidney pie. I love pub grub!
Pub grub is traditionally quite greasy and massive portions. Maybe this is linked to the location and the owners feel they can get away with cheap/ greasy food as most of the people eating there will maybe be slightly intoxicated.


Nowadays, many pubs are moving in a more gourmet/ gastropub direction. 
The usual very limited menus are now being replaced with a wide variety of continental dishes. One can walk into most pubs and order pizza, pasta, tapas, calamari and curry.

What do I like eating at the pub? 
I would much rather eat a starter and a main, than a dessert. 
Calamari, brie, bread and olives and starter platters are amongmy favourite starters.
For mains (this list could be long):
scampi, pie, burgers, bbq chicken, pork belly (damn im actually drooling right now!) I would avoid a pub on a Sunday though. I have yet to find a PERFECT pub sunday lunch!


I'm also a massive sauce fan! I'm a bit saucy! I like to have sauce on everything.
Mayonaise, Ketchup, Tartare, Salad Cream, Vinegar, Salt....I pile on the sauce!


Okay, craving chips and gravy right now!

Cupcake Recipe

Thought I would give you all one of my favourite recipes.
I've been on 2 cupcake courses in the last year. 


Cupcakes have pretty much taken over bakery's around the world.


Here is my recipe for a simple vanilla cupcake, these come out perfect each time as long as you follow the simple steps :)


(makes 12)
- 110g butter
- 110g caster sugar
- 2 eggs
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 110g self-raising flour
- 1-2 tbs whole milk


1. Oven at 170-180 degrees. Gas mark 4
2. Line 12 muffin tin with cupcake cases
3. Cream together butter and sugar, beat in the eggs (a little at a time) and stir in extract
4. Fold in the flour using a metal spoon
5. Spoon mixture into cases until they are 1/2 full
6. Bake for 15 minutes


Then go mad with the icing! My favourite part
Buttercream, fondant, whatever takes your fancy! :)
Et Voila!

Holding the eyes with toothpicks

Well, i'm resigned to the fact that i am going to be unable to get back to sleep tonight.

Its 6:30am, I've had very little sleep and very disturbed sleep. 


WHY?
Because at 1:30 I was awoken to the sound of my brother being sick. He then proceeded to be sick pretty much every hour after that. It's like  having a baby crying for a bottle during the night. Just as you settle down and get 20 minutes sleep in, they start again. And the sound of someone being sick, isn't overly pleasant, i'm just glad i'm not one of those people who gags at the sound! 


My brother was last sick back in January. He had eaten a chinese the night before (as had we all) and was sick at least twice the next morning (not as early as this)


Last night, we ate, CHINESE. And he has been sick. After his first trip to the bathroom, in which he bought up alot (TMI) I kinda put it down to the chinese......now....4-5 times later....i'm not so confident.


Let alone having to hear someone be sick, which is bad enough, i've now resigned to the fact that he has some sort of bug and i'm sure I will get it in the next 48 hours! Great. Please, Please, PLEASE be the chinese!
I shall avoid consuming large amounts of food today, keep my stomach clear! I'm also going to have to probably take a nap at some point!

What a Weekend!

This time last week i'm sure I was blogging about the absolute pain that I was in after my first Olympic rehearsal.

This weekend, is no better. In fact it is 10x worse.

I had a bad rehearsal. I was absolutely shattered by about 11am and struggling to stand up. The moves were getting faster and faster, and the choreographers were pushing us to the limit. In a 5 hour rehearsal we get 1 15min break and 1 10min break. During both of which I was literally crawling along the floor to my water and Powerade.

I felt like crying. My body was screaming at me to stop. I wasn't out of breath (so it shows i'm not unfit) but I just couldn't get my body to move fast enough.

I also had completely the wrong shoes on. I came out without my trainers and had t rush to M&S yesterday to buy some "boat" shoes, uncushioned and needing to be worn in properly, it just led to excruciating pain every time I moved my feet as my blossoming blisters rubbed ever more against them. 

Was I going to show my pain?? I tried so hard not to, but for the last hour I just lost it. My brain couldn't focus on the routines, and looking at my reflection in the studio mirror I looked visibly shattered.

I came out of the rehearsal when it finished, and just burst into floods of tears. I had a mile walk back to Stratford station, limping and crying for most of the way. My bag (containing only overnight essentials) felt heavier than ever. 

I could hear myself audibly shouting at myself to keep walking, as I so badly wanted to collapse at the side of the road. People did a double take at me, as I looked like I had just run the London Marathon. Someone even asked me "What time did you finish in?"

I made it back to the station. And for the rest of the journey, just rubbed my poor feet and got my breath back, sipping energy drink, occasionally letting a little tear fall down my cheek.

What was I doing??

I kept asking myself why I was doing this. It's not fun. I'm not enjoying it. And seriously, you look around and everyone else is coping fine. Why couldn't I do it?

If you had asked me at Stratford "Do you want to quit this?" my answer would have been YES! I couldn't understand why I was putting myself through all this grief and pain, all in the name of volunteering!

Ask me the same question now (now I'm back home and in bed) my answer is NO!

Yes it is unbelievably painful. Yes it is VERY difficult. Yes they are pushing you to the max. And even, No i'm not enjoying it (YET) time will heal. (and quite a few plasters and bandages) But the honor of being involved in this, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. People are so proud of what I have achieved and I ca't let them down.

All this is such a stark contrast to my day yesterday. I was re-united with my (ex) boyfriend after 5 months of being apart, and long periods of not speaking. It's been a hard time. 

However, I am now the happiest and luckiest girl alive. A spark has been re-kindled. Yet I was desperate to phone him today during my desperate walk back to the station. However, I knew he would have wanted me to get through it on my own, crying to him would have achieved nothing. It would have been a big step backwards if I had!

And right now, I cannot feel anything from my shoulders out, or my hips down. But i'm in bed, so i'm quite safe! :)

Black Mafia

For those who don't know me

I can get a bit crazy

Have to get my way, yep

24 hours a day 'cause I'm hot like that!

Every guy, everywhere

Just gives me mad attention

Like I'm under inspection

I always gets a ten 'cause I'm built like that

I go through guys like money flyin' out the hands

They try to change me but they realize they can't

And every tomorrow is a day I never plan

If you gonna be my man understand

I can't be tamed, I can't be tamed,I can't be blamed

I can't, can't, I can't, can't be tamed

I can't be changed, I can't be tamed

I can't be, can't, I can't be tamed

If there is a question about my intentions

I'll tell ya, I'm not here to sell ya

Or tell you to go to hell

I'm not a brat like that!!

I'm like a puzzle

But all of my pieces are jagged

If you can understand this

We can make some magic, I'm on like that

I wanna fly, I wanna drive, I wanna go

I wanna be a part of something I don't know

And if you try to hold me back, I might explode

Baby, by now you should know

I can't be tamed, I can't be tamed, I can't be blamed

I can't, can't, I can't, can't be tamed

I can't be changed, I can't be tamed

I can't be, can't, I can't be tamed

Well I'm not a trick you play

I'm wired a different way

I'm not a mistake, 

I'm not a fake

It's in my DNA

Don't change me. Don't change me 

Don't change me. Don't change me

I wanna fly, I wanna drive, I wanna go

I wanna be a part of something I don't know

And if you try to hold me back I might explode

Baby, by now you should know

 I can't be tamed, I can't be tamed, I can't be blamed

I can't, can't, I can't, can't be tamed

I can't be changed, I can't be tamed

I can't be, can't, I can't be tamed

Woah no-one panic! 

I haven't gone mad! Well no more than usual!

Seriously though, you don't like me or the way I am.....jog on!

I can't be changed!

To the person i'm meeting tomorrow, DON'T PANIC. 

You know me more than anyone in this world. I'm merely sifting off the shit in my life, to see what i'm left with! :) 

Night All

xx

Friday Feelin'

Wow over 700 blog views!
Thank you so much everyone for reading! Hope you are passing it on to all your friends! :)
One big push, it's the weekend tomorrow!


So its mid-April. 
Good luck to all those running the London Marathon this weekend!!! I would be watching, but I will be caught up in the middle of it all as I am in London for another Olympic rehearsal.

For the past 18 months I have kept, and been breeding mini lop rabbits. I have loved doing this. I started with 4 adults, and my numbers slowly rose, with babies! I've rescued many adult rabbits and sent them on to new loving homes. I've had to deal with deaths (thankfully only in the babies but even that is bad enough) but I have loved every second of it. However, the next couple of weeks marks the end of this venture. My last litter are all about 4 weeks old now, and will be going to new homes in a months time. I'm also selling some of my adults, leaving me with my 3 favourites in the hope that I can take them with me when I move out! :)




As I said i'm off to London again this weekend, rehearsal number 2. Still nervous, I can't remember the routine, and my biggest problem is just keeping up with the professionals and retired professionals. Our "olympic wall chart" is beginning to take shape. With so many rehearsals, volunteer shifts and work shifts we are losing track of everything, so as a family we have made a MASSIVE wall chart so we can visually see everything that's going on!!!


I'm also eagerly awaiting my latest and LAST assignment to be returned for my course. After that it's just my final examination. Hopefully by next month I will be a fully qualified Beauty Therapist. Still keeping it a secret as much as I can. Not quite got 110% backing from everyone I know.......


I will do another blog tonight i'm sure! Just thought I would keep those who are interested in the loop!


Thanks again for the support!
I appologise for any random "depressed" outbursts on here (like last night). Im still not 100% confident standing on my own two feet yet......people out there are still determined to knock me off course.

It runs in my family......and i'm running from it

I know more than most people what it is like to live around depression.


My grandma has suffered from it for most of her life, and even my mum (a shock for anyone that knows her) has suffered.
Statistics show that you are 8 times for likely to suffer from depression is one parents has suffered. Not looking good for me.

Depression should NOT be laughed at, or skimmed over. It is a real illness with real symptoms. It's not attention seeking and people cannot "snap out of it".  


I know I am not totally out of the path of this illness. I have had one or two knocks during the last 10 years of my life, and I seriously lack self-confidence. NOT something that is very good for me to be doing! For the record, I have never been diagnosed with depression, I have never experienced true depression, and touch wood I never have to. Yet I have had friends go through it, and family. 


It affects people in many different ways:
Feeling low for long periods of time
Loosing interest in things you once enjoyed
Tearful or anxious
Guilt ridden
Lack of Motivation
Can't make decisions
Suicidal
Loss of Appetite
Lack of Energy


I have experienced more than one of the above, however I won't state which ones as I believe I have been suffering more from grief/ bereavement rather than depression in the last 5-6 months. There is a difference! I have been able to pull myself out of my dark times, usually with help but more recently completely alone.

Depression is NOT a sign of weakness!


If you know someone with depression, or suspect someone is depressed, then for God's sake help them! Do not turn your back on them. They may be ungrateful for your help/ intervening at first, but trust me they will thank you for it in the long run. Don't be scared to help them. Usually, if you can "see" signs of depression, it means that they are no longer able to cope by themselves. Many people get low days, bad days, rollercoaster emotions, yet they may never tell people. They can cope on their own and overcome any bad feeling. 




There are so many people out there to help you! If you think you may suffer from depression, or you know someone who does and don't know what to do....Don't be afraid to ask for their help! 


This is dedicated to my friends who have fought and are fighting depression. You know who you are xxx

Maxibon

Please tell me someone else remembers these ice creams?!!!??

                                    Maxibon

They were basically like an ice-cream sandwich. One side was vanilla ice-cream covered in milk chocolate with crushed biscuits and hazelnuts. The other side was vanilla ice-cream with cookie pieces, sandwiched between 2 cookies. 

The sandwiched cookie side was THE BEST! I would eat the other side first, and then savor every mouthful of the cookie! Cookies and cream ice-cream is one of the best, and this was no exception. 

My older brother first introduced me to these in the early 2000's. Yet I have not seen any of them recently. A couple of years ago I had one, but the ice-cream was yellow?! I think they were trying a new flavour

(looking on wikipedia, it was apparently honeycomb)

But this new ice-cream ruined it!

Mickey Mouse Ice Cream Sandwich, I live off these when i'm in America

Somebody somewhere in the U.K just needs to create a new ice cream. Just plain simple vanilla ice cream sandwiched between 2 cookies/biscuits/ brownie. 

I would buy it! They have them elsewhere in the world, why not here???

"Give a Little Whistle". Let's Ride!!!

Rotten Weather!

While steaming in my charity shop this morning, I was deep in thought. Tried to push aside real-life problems that I'm dealing with, and instead made a list of my top 15 Disney Rides :-) 
And here it is!
I have only been to Orlando and Paris, so this list is made up of rides from both parks!

15. Small World (Paris)
14. Dinosaur (Animal Kingdom, Orlando)
13. Rock n Roller Coaster (only done Paris)
12. Test Track (Epcot, Orlando)
11. Crush's Coaster (Paris)
10. Philharmagique (Magic Kingdom, Orlando)
9. Buzz Lightyear Laser Blast (Paris is better!)
8. Malestrom (Epcot,Orlando)
7. Splash Mountain (Magic Kingdom, Orlando)
6. TTA Blue Line (Magic Kingdom, Orlando)
5. Spaceship Earth (Epcot, Orlando)
4. Big Thunder Mountain (Paris is the best!)
3. Space Mountain (Magic Kingdom, Orlando) 
2. Peter Pan's Flight
1. Pirates of the Carribean (Paris is way better than Orlando)

Love a good Disney ride! :) Im not usually a big rollercoaster person, space mountain mission 2 and rock 'n' rollercoaster are about my limit! I love all the simple story telling rides, Snow White, Pinocchio and Peter Pan. There is not a single ride in Paris that I haven't been on! 

'Dear diary'

Do you ever feel like you never did enough? Like everything you did do was wrong? Do you feel like walking away again?

The past will always catch up, no matter what you do. No matter where you hide, what you do, the past is done, it's there, it happened. The past is always there, a painful reminder of your mistakes.

Can it happen again? Or do people change? What is selfishness?

Do feelings really die? How do senses bring back such powerful memories, stirring every available emotion within our bodies? Overwhelming our minds, leaving us dazed and confused. Wanting to run, wanting to stay, wanting to turn away, wanting to face head on.

Can the past happen again? Can we change the future? Does love last forever? Or does it fade, like a candle that cannot be relit. We try. I try every match in the packet to set a spark.....but they are all damp. I dropped them in the water, yet somehow salvaged them, trying to restore the former glory of my brightly burning candle. But should I keep trying? It won't ever light. When do I stop trying? I'll be left in the dark...

'Diary' you are the only one who listens in moments of utter confusion and helplessness. I don't know what to do.

Sleepy Sleepy Sleepy 


Hope you have all had a lovely day.
Was rather bad of me driving my brother down to the gym, and then zipping to McDonalds......mind you, it was so good! Quater pounder, Large fries and a VANILLA milkshake!


I am so tired now.
Back in my charity shop tomorrow morning. 
A cuddle would just complete my day right now, but hey, one can't have it all!!


I do love the days when you have been really busy, and are really tired....because your bed feels extra comfortable!!! :D


Night all! x

Come on a Ma House...

It was going to happen...at some point I knew I had to share my love of this unique programme.
Girls of the Playboy Mansion or
Girls Next Door


Giving us, the viewers, a unique look inside the daily running of the Playboy Mansion, and in particular the daily lives of the 3 (former) girlfriends of Playboy legend Hugh Hefner.

Holly Madison

Bridget Marquardt

Kendra Wilkinson

Bridget, Hugh Hefner, Holly, Kendra

Many people have the wrong idea of this programme. Due to the nature of Playboy and Hef's extraordinary lifestyle, people assume that this programme is full of sex, drugs and rock and roll.
How very wrong they are!


The show contains minimal nudity and very few sexual references. Yet the girls are often seen in very revealing outfits, short skirts, maybe not your average "going into town" clothing!


The show started in 2005 and has spanned over 6 series, however I am only focusing on the first 5 series as these were filmed during the time when Holly, Bridget and Kendra were living at the mansion. Each episode is roughly 22 minutes long. Following the lives of the 3 girls and Hef, we get a unique look inside the parties, events and experience what it can be like living as a multi-millionaire!


I first started watching the show back in late 2006. I was flicking through the channels late one night, yes maybe looking for light porn, and I got to E! were I saw "Girls of the Playboy Mansion". Back then, my view on playboy was naive. I knew it involved a bunny logo and alot of naked women in a magazine. From the first show I saw, I was hooked. By this point, the second/third series was being shown over here in the U.K. 
I now have all the episodes in some form on DVD. I am desperate to save up to buy the complete box set, as I love LOVE the audio commentary from the 3 girls for each episode. 


The tag line "We call it fantasy, they call it home" is so true. Butlers, maids, 24 hour kitchen, parties, VIP treatment....something many of us can only dream of.


I believe that the real success of the show falls to the 3 girls. Each with their own unique identity. Holly, Hef's number one girl, is a real glamour girl. Almost straight out of a 1930's film. Bridget, the fun loving, girly girl. Into Halloween and all things spooky yet just wants to have a good time. And Kendra, the youngest, a real tomboy, and massive fan of ALL sports. Hugh Hefner is such a gentleman. Yes he may be 80, and his girlfriends are in their 20's, but you never really even notice it. They keep their sexual intimacy private and away from the cameras. Hef is just a big kid at heart! My favourite? Probably Bridget, yet Kendra is definitely the prettiest! (I can only dream of looking like that!) :P

Kendra, Holly, Bridget

I love it! I think all the girls are so beautiful, and they may be blonde, but they aren't stupid! Bridget even has 2 Masters Degrees! Gold diggers........? If you watch the programme, the relationships that the girls have seem so genuine and so real. However, as you may have gathered, all this is in the past. The 3 girls have moved on and got their own lives. Kendra is married with a 2/3 year old son, Holly is working the stage in Las Vegas and Bridget is hosting here there and everywhere. 


The show may be finished and it may all be in the past, but I still watch it. Give it a go! If you like documentaries, or real life stuff then honestly.....try it. 

The rain rains on the just and the unjust

Morning readers!

Cor, what a rotten day! It's wet and windy and gloomy and just horrible.

My bedroom faces towards the sea, so I always feel the full force of any wind. This morning it sounds like a hurricane outside! The wind whistling and howling loudly, the rain pounding against my windows.

It's a day off for me. A day to write my final essay, to pack up bags for charity and to make sure every possible event of the upcoming weeks is written in my diary. I have taken after my parents, in keeping my diary from last year (for reference). For example, on this day last year I was travelling to Coventry. I was going for an audition at Warwick College the next day, for a place of the performing arts course. I may have been successful in gaining a place, but boy that would have been the wrong thing for me. What a difference a year makes! 

The house feels cold this morning though, sitting on my bed and the duvet underneath me is freezing, not nice. Yet, it's days like this that one can reflect upon life. Plan ahead. Take productive steps to move forward. Looking around my room, this is where I grew up. I've spent the last 21 years of my life in this room (not solidly of course!) and the time is fast approaching to create my own path in the world.

My room is full of tat, really! Everything from my small collection of clothes, and even smaller selection of shoes, to reference books, ornaments and my 3000 strong pin collection. Pictures hidden away in draws that really need to be out on display. Past family, past friends and my general past life. The thought of having to condense this all down in one go was terribly daunting, so, from about December onwards (as this was the time I realised where I wanted my life to go) I have been sorting it all a little at a time. I may set aside an afternoon to do a drawer, or half my wardrobe, or one shelf. We are getting there! Mind you, everytime I vacuum in here it ends up messy again within 48 hours.

This is such a random entry! Let me write some more of my essay and maybe I will think of something better for you guys later!

Have a good day!

Carpe Diem!

Go on, seize it! :P

x <3  x

 

Disney Songs - Top 20

In just 2 weeks time my family are off to Disneyworld in Florida for 3 weeks! So jealous, im not going with them. I shall be alone for just under a month, sad times :(

In light of their holiday I thought I would do a Disney blog! I shall now list my top 20 Disney Songs of all time. Please remember this is MY top 20 list, not THE top 20 list, there will be one or two in there that i'm sure people will disagree with! 


20. Feed the Birds (Mary Poppins) 
19. This is Halloween (Nightmare Before Christmas)
18. So this is love (Cinderella)
17. When will my life begin (Tangled)
16. Bells of Notre Dame (Hunchback of Notre Dame)
15. Poor Unfortunate souls (Little Mermaid)
14. Always there (Lady & the tramp 2)
13. If I never knew you (Pocahontas - deleted from early releases)
12. Under the Sea (Little Mermaid)
11. I've got no strings (Pinocchio)

Literally as I write this blog i'm listening to each song. It just emphasises the talents of the Disney songwriters both past and present. Here we are top 10! 


10. You can fly (Peter Pan)
9.  I wanna be like you (Jungle Book)
8.  Heigh ho (Snow white & the 7 dwarfs)
7. I just can't wait to be king (Lion King)
6. Once upon a dream (Sleeping Beauty)
5. Why should I worry? (Oliver & Company)
4. Strangers like me (Tarzan)
3. Circle of Life (The Lion King)
2. You got a friend in me (Toy Story)




 And my ultimate number one Disney song....
1. When you wish upon a star (Pinocchio)


That was so hard! I love ALL Disney songs, and trying to choose my favourite is impossible! I hope you all listen along with me!!!

Gamesmaker - Volunteers Remember?!?

So yes, as predicted, I have rolled out of bed feeling like a complete zombie! Not in quite as much pain as I was 3 weeks ago after my 3 hour Zumbathon, nevertheless muscles are hurting!

Yesterday was challening, both physically and mentally. Yet I feel it is only just the beginning. I can appreciate that we as performers are going to be "pushed to our limits" as they said, we are of course right in the action on the opening night, all eyes on the world will be on the stadium where we are performing, and we have to make it look good. All this pressure is one reason I didn't follow drama as a career. Dance is even worse! I'm not a professional dancer, and my body (at present) is not used to working so hard, so quickly, so intensly. I'm hoping it will get easier as time goes on.......

Yet at the back of my mind, I do keep thinking.....we are only volunteers! Should we really be pushed like this? We have given up time to make the weekend rehearsals, and for some (me included) there is a signifigant financial commitment being made. Yes they are paying for any travel expenses within London, but for me, this offer is useless as I leave the train at Stratford.......no travel across London required.

My parents are both gamesmakers (the team of Olympic Volunteers).
My dad is in the trasportation team, driving important people around from the Olympic park and Westfield shopping center, to various destinations around London.
My mum is with the security team. Welcoming guests to the Olympic Park and aiding with the security procedures.

My dad has recently been given his shifts. And to be honest, they are horrific. He is being asked to work all hours of the day, for 9 hours at a time! Now, correct me if i'm wrong, no PAID position is having to work like that! Somedays he is working 9am-6pm and others he is 4pm-2:30am, and some are even through the night!!!! These are not hours that my dad is used to working, and I'm not even sure he was told to expect these sort of hours, and I think that is bad on the gamesmakers part. He was selected for the Paralympic Games period, yet he is having to work 5 weeks!!!! And the Paralympics only runs for 10 days! Mum is now dreading the arrival of her shifts, fearing that they could be very similar.......

My parents are not alone in their grief. All one has to do is log onto the Gamesmaker facebook page, and the wall is full of other people's concerns about their hours, destinations, financial problems, and places to stay. How are people who finish their shift at 2:30am going to get home?? Some people, who have regular jobs, have only asked for 2 weeks off work (the time the Olympic Games runs) yet are being required to work for 4 weeks! It's not consistent, and unfortunately I fear that many people are going to have to give up this wonderful opportunity because they have not been told the correct information of what is going to be required of them right from day 1.

I fear my parents may go the same way. My dad feels he cannot work the hours being asked of him, and mum is going to turn down this opportunity if her hours are anything like his....and I think that is such a shame.

What I have also recently discovered is that many of the volunteer jobs within the games also are available as paid positions. I for example have a job as a programme seller (this is also a volunteer's role), there are paid security, paid cleaners, paid transportation and EVEN (as I discovered yesterday) PAID OPENING CEREMONY PERFORMERS!

Please don't get me wrong, I am honored to be part of the games. I just feel so sad for the people who desperately want to be part of it all, but just can't comitt to what is being asked of them as volunteers.......

One Down, Loads to Go!!!

So i'm back from my first Olympic Ceremony rehearsal!


Do not ask me to give away any of the secrets, as I shan't be doing so!
I had a bad nights sleep last night, which didn't make a good start to the day.
Arriving for the rehearsal I joined a massive line of people waiting, looking around at everyone else, they are all young, and look like typical "dancers".


The rehearsal was sooo tiring. My whole body hurts, my brain full of routines.
I feel so honored to be part of something this amazing, a once in a lifetime opportunity. The lighting, sound, and technology behind it all is phenomenal. I'm still apprehensive, but very excited.


I had the biggest smile put on my face when I woke up this morning. All it took was a "good luck" text from somebody, something so simple for someone to do and it bought me so much joy. Thank you, I appreciate it. x


I am mega tired now though. Currently sitting in bed, surrounded by food. :-)


I'm also going to take this opportunity to remember those who died aboard the Titanic, 100 years ago. It's a story that still shocks me today, and could have been so easily avoided.
We remember you. <3  

Beauty & the Beast

What is beauty?


I've never really known what beauty is. People have such conflicting views on what a "Beautiful Person" is.


I guess in times when i'm in a positive mood, to me, a Beautiful person is someone who is beautiful both inside and out. 


We all get days when we don't feel pretty. No matter what our husbands, boyfriends, partners say to us, we won't ever believe them.


Being at an all girls school was tough for me, as "beauty" played a major role in everyday life. Make-up was banned from our school, so we really were bare faced (plus a little foundation)
But somehow, girls still looked beautiful. They would have beautiful hair, perfect eyes, a perfect shaped face....and as much as I tried, I never felt as pretty as them.


In my first year at 6th form I had to share a room with a wonderful German girl. Now, she was stunning! Blonde hair, blue eyes and had the complete attention of nearly every guy there. I would see her roll out of bed in the morning, looking amazing, and I would roll out looking like a troll. I would have days when I would wear a lot of make-up, and I would dye my hair drastically about 3-4 times that year.
During my second year, I was in a relationship. I felt I could let my standards slip. Make-up wasn't so essential as he hated it on me, and I knew he was the only one I needed to impress.
I carried on like this, yet last year I started putting on weight, FAST! My self-esteem took a knock whenever anyone mentioned my weight yet back then I was happier inside. But I would walk around with no make-up and just generally looking like a whale. Once the comments about my weight, or my nose, or my eyes or my "facial hair" - yes I hate to admit I didn't wax my lip back then.....my confidence fell and fell.

Now, as previously stated, I have lost 1 stone and dropped a dress size. I would love to loose more, yet i'm not dieting! I do still look around and never feel as pretty as everyone around me. I feel I have to put in so much effort to just   look "decent" let alone pretty! What happened last night has only made me compare myself to others even more! I'm not as pretty as those girls so I just get ignored. 
I think that not having someone around to compliment you really will affect your confidence. I   was talking to a friend of mine, who has never been in a relationship, yet she is so stunning! With minimal effort she can look amazing, yet I recon she feels the same way I do. 


I've always compared myself to other girls, I think it's just part of our nature. 
Confidence is key. That's something i've always lacked, self-confidence. Because the last thing I want to be....is cocky!

Okay, so I won't sleep until I post this

I'm sorry but I won't
I have got EVERY emotion whirring around my head at the moment. Life in the last couple of days has bought me up against some real shit from my past life. And tonight, was not shit, but merely....a painful reminder of my past.
Firstly, someone who I have blocked on my facebook, SOMEHOW (and I REALLY don't know how because i've put so many privacy settings on my account) started messaging me. Rather forcefully. I've wanted this person out of my life, because they were just a reminder of the fucked up things that happened in my past, that have essentially lead to the position i'm in now. So I wan't prepared for their backlash at me tonight.....to which I totally ignored all incoming messages as I knew getting into an arguement would make life worse.


After which, i'm cleaning through my inbox, and find an old message from January this year. For respect, I will not go into this story as it's just personal for me, but you know who you are.....yes it's hurt me, but like I said "none of my business". It just came at a bad time I guess.


I'm also very nervous for my rehearsals starting on Sunday. I will be so depressed if I get there only to be confronted with skinny, leg warmer wearing professional dancers. I'm not up to that!


My head is confused. Leading a false life for so long, and then as soon as I embark on what I want to do I'm faced with doubt from friends, family and worst of all myself. I've had messages of support since my blog entry on Wednesday, and I really appreciate them x  I'm without a friend that I can ACTUALLY talk to though, I know people have said to me that they will listen, but they won't. To me there was only one person in my life who actually could help (even if they did nothing) Yet  now, they apparently see "No change" in me, which I just don't understand, and it makes me wonder why I bother. 
That was actually one of the worst things anyone has EVER said to me. Said by one of the closest people to me. I'm almost just in shock, I believed I was doing so well......yet i'm still not good enough


This blog has become my diary. You the readers literally see my complete ups and my sudden downs. I have nowhere else to express my anger, confusion, sadness and even lonliness. Yes I could write this on a piece of paper and throw it away, but actually there are people out there that I want to read this.....I need their help but i'm too scared to ask anymore for they can reject me, yet feel bad about rejecting a friend request on facebook from someone else....


Tonight has just been a reminder of what I no longer have. And it's hearbreaking. :'( It's going to be a night full of tears. I have been strong for the last 3 months, yet i've just run out of strength right now......

Teddybear

We all need them, and we have all had one at some point in our lives.
Teddies are a comforter, cuddler, protector and friend. 

The first teddy was made by Steiff in 1903. 


Traditional teddies would be a stuffed toy bear, usually stuffed with white cotton. Some would even have a built in "growler". 


I have had MANY teddies during my lifetime. For me they have been toys, friends, protectors and more recently comforters. I still have my pink teddy from when I was born. She is in such good condition as I never have her on my bed. She remains in the top of my wardrobe. 


On my bed right now I have 4 teddies.
Boobies - Pink Rabbit - given to me for my 18th birthday by one of my friends from 6th form.
Starbuck - Brown Rabbit - a gift from my mum and he looks just like one of my real rabbits.
Eeyore - A random eeyore toy, I think it was one of my boyfriends teddies that he left here, well, it's now mine. He just acts as a little reminder, this one gets talked to alot.
A white teddy given to me for my 21st birthday.


I love teddies. When I was little I used to tuck mine into bed with me (I may just on the odd occasion still do that!)
They are just something to cuddle. A companion that doesn't require much attention. I do actually feel sorry for anyone that doesn't have a teddy. I think everyone should have one. They're not a sign of weakness (maybe vulnerability!) 


Sick of my life be like a rollercoaster right now. I shall be gathering all my teddies tonight for a committee meeting! I feel I need some support here.