1. It's fantastic, lovely to see everybody, all enjoy yourselves, all get along...great!
2. Awkward, people look down on you, not interested......painful!
Last night was a reunion of a small group of girls from my senior school, which I left back in 2007.
We had a similar, small reunion back in December, and that was lovely. I don't know whether people were high on festivities or what, but that was nice.
Last night, for me, was very different.
It was lovely to SEE people, but not necessarily so nice to TALK to people. These reunions, so close to when you left (5 years) can be painful. You remember the old days like it was yesterday, yet you have all changed, however not everyone has matured. (there is a difference)
I don't know what people really thought of me at senior school, although I got the impression that they assumed I was a geek, not cool (whatever cool is), teachers pet....or whatever. I was kinda hoping that that "label" they put on me had been taken off, but last night I wasn't convinced.
One BIG BIG BIG mistake I made was to come clean about my studies. Everyone talked about their uni course, or job, or life living with their boyfriends.....and I stupidly mentioned my Beauty Therapy. Now, please bear with me on this one! I went to private school all my life, and unfortunately beauty therapy is not the sort of course that most people from my schools have gone and done. I am not saying it is a course for dumb people, its not! It's bloomin' hard at times!
Particularly my 6th form (where practically no-one knows what i'm studying) beauty therapy would have been frowned upon. Not achieving enough or not aiming high enough or whatever bollocks the Careers team would come up with. So i'm embarrassed to mention it to any of my former 6th form friends, but I thought my senior friends would be more supportive.
Here is the crunch line. The table fell silent when I mentioned beauty therapy. I did notice one or 2 looks from girls as if to say "You? Beauty Therapy? Seriously? Your not pretty!"
I'm not claiming that they WERE thinking that, but that's what it felt like. Not everyone, just maybe the vast majority.
And it did make me think, why am I sat here giving my free time to be put down? To feel intimidated. It felt like I was actually back at senior school. I often felt intimidated, put down and teased. And last night was the first time I have felt like that. It kinda knocked me for the rest of the night and most of today. I realised that the label I was given over 5 years ago is, in their minds, still stuck to me.
BUT
I'm determined to not be beaten now. I am out to prove the world wrong. So many people have the wrong idea of me for whatever reason. I've been hiding for the last 18 months behind everybody else, those people have taken a step to the side, they've let me come through, and I believe they want me to push through. And, I, WILL! I'm not letting my past or people from my past get me down.
I'm not pretty, but i'm not ugly. I'm not clever, but i'm not stupid. I'm not always right, but i'm also not always wrong.
*sigh* at least the Apprentice is on tonight! A bit of eye-candy instore.
To be honest, the people most likely to be reading this are not the ones to blame.
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