Beauty & the Beast

What is beauty?


I've never really known what beauty is. People have such conflicting views on what a "Beautiful Person" is.


I guess in times when i'm in a positive mood, to me, a Beautiful person is someone who is beautiful both inside and out. 


We all get days when we don't feel pretty. No matter what our husbands, boyfriends, partners say to us, we won't ever believe them.


Being at an all girls school was tough for me, as "beauty" played a major role in everyday life. Make-up was banned from our school, so we really were bare faced (plus a little foundation)
But somehow, girls still looked beautiful. They would have beautiful hair, perfect eyes, a perfect shaped face....and as much as I tried, I never felt as pretty as them.


In my first year at 6th form I had to share a room with a wonderful German girl. Now, she was stunning! Blonde hair, blue eyes and had the complete attention of nearly every guy there. I would see her roll out of bed in the morning, looking amazing, and I would roll out looking like a troll. I would have days when I would wear a lot of make-up, and I would dye my hair drastically about 3-4 times that year.
During my second year, I was in a relationship. I felt I could let my standards slip. Make-up wasn't so essential as he hated it on me, and I knew he was the only one I needed to impress.
I carried on like this, yet last year I started putting on weight, FAST! My self-esteem took a knock whenever anyone mentioned my weight yet back then I was happier inside. But I would walk around with no make-up and just generally looking like a whale. Once the comments about my weight, or my nose, or my eyes or my "facial hair" - yes I hate to admit I didn't wax my lip back then.....my confidence fell and fell.

Now, as previously stated, I have lost 1 stone and dropped a dress size. I would love to loose more, yet i'm not dieting! I do still look around and never feel as pretty as everyone around me. I feel I have to put in so much effort to just   look "decent" let alone pretty! What happened last night has only made me compare myself to others even more! I'm not as pretty as those girls so I just get ignored. 
I think that not having someone around to compliment you really will affect your confidence. I   was talking to a friend of mine, who has never been in a relationship, yet she is so stunning! With minimal effort she can look amazing, yet I recon she feels the same way I do. 


I've always compared myself to other girls, I think it's just part of our nature. 
Confidence is key. That's something i've always lacked, self-confidence. Because the last thing I want to be....is cocky!