What a Weekend!

This time last week i'm sure I was blogging about the absolute pain that I was in after my first Olympic rehearsal.

This weekend, is no better. In fact it is 10x worse.

I had a bad rehearsal. I was absolutely shattered by about 11am and struggling to stand up. The moves were getting faster and faster, and the choreographers were pushing us to the limit. In a 5 hour rehearsal we get 1 15min break and 1 10min break. During both of which I was literally crawling along the floor to my water and Powerade.

I felt like crying. My body was screaming at me to stop. I wasn't out of breath (so it shows i'm not unfit) but I just couldn't get my body to move fast enough.

I also had completely the wrong shoes on. I came out without my trainers and had t rush to M&S yesterday to buy some "boat" shoes, uncushioned and needing to be worn in properly, it just led to excruciating pain every time I moved my feet as my blossoming blisters rubbed ever more against them. 

Was I going to show my pain?? I tried so hard not to, but for the last hour I just lost it. My brain couldn't focus on the routines, and looking at my reflection in the studio mirror I looked visibly shattered.

I came out of the rehearsal when it finished, and just burst into floods of tears. I had a mile walk back to Stratford station, limping and crying for most of the way. My bag (containing only overnight essentials) felt heavier than ever. 

I could hear myself audibly shouting at myself to keep walking, as I so badly wanted to collapse at the side of the road. People did a double take at me, as I looked like I had just run the London Marathon. Someone even asked me "What time did you finish in?"

I made it back to the station. And for the rest of the journey, just rubbed my poor feet and got my breath back, sipping energy drink, occasionally letting a little tear fall down my cheek.

What was I doing??

I kept asking myself why I was doing this. It's not fun. I'm not enjoying it. And seriously, you look around and everyone else is coping fine. Why couldn't I do it?

If you had asked me at Stratford "Do you want to quit this?" my answer would have been YES! I couldn't understand why I was putting myself through all this grief and pain, all in the name of volunteering!

Ask me the same question now (now I'm back home and in bed) my answer is NO!

Yes it is unbelievably painful. Yes it is VERY difficult. Yes they are pushing you to the max. And even, No i'm not enjoying it (YET) time will heal. (and quite a few plasters and bandages) But the honor of being involved in this, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. People are so proud of what I have achieved and I ca't let them down.

All this is such a stark contrast to my day yesterday. I was re-united with my (ex) boyfriend after 5 months of being apart, and long periods of not speaking. It's been a hard time. 

However, I am now the happiest and luckiest girl alive. A spark has been re-kindled. Yet I was desperate to phone him today during my desperate walk back to the station. However, I knew he would have wanted me to get through it on my own, crying to him would have achieved nothing. It would have been a big step backwards if I had!

And right now, I cannot feel anything from my shoulders out, or my hips down. But i'm in bed, so i'm quite safe! :)