EUROVISION 2012

That title was a warning!!!

If you have NOT watched Eurovision 2012 yet then please do not read any further!!!

So ladies and gentlemen what a night! What a Show!
Azerbaijan hosted the competition in Baku.
Great Britain started the ball rolling with Englebert Humperdink. Oh dear, and where did we finish? Second to last, poor old Norway at the bottom (although I thought there's was pretty good!)


Who were my favourites?
Russia - Singing grannies, and i'm so so pleased they came second, well deserved!
Iceland - Never Forget - Possibly the best song of the night, deserved to do so much better than they did!
Norway - Just failed
Jedward - Well done boys a valliant effort. Not as good as last year, the novelty has worn off!!


My shock/ memorable moments?
ALBANIA - Just wtf????? Its a singing competition isn't it? NOT shouting! Jesus christ woman!
Israel - quite catchy, enjoyed the song
Moldova - The woman dancing in the pink tutu......too much red bull? 
I liked the Greek entry, typical eurovision pop!


And LORDI doing the votes from Finland! An added bonus!


Also well done to Graham Norton on his flawless commentary, always makes us chuckle!


And we have our winner!
Euphoria - Sweden. When I first heard it in the semi-finals I knew it had to do well and I believed it would win. A worthy winner. That sort of sound is very in (even if the dance moves aren't!)

Rehearsal number.....can't remember!

Yup
Another Sunday, another rehearsal.
This was our first time in the new venue, it's outdoors. I won't reveal on here where exactly it is, but apparently people do know.


Quite alot of blocking happening today. They created an area the exact size of the stadium, and believe me you feel like an ant inside it! They spent time blocking us, so we knew were exactly we would need to be, what direction to travel etc.


We went through the routines. Painfully they keep adding new pieces on (my brain couldn't take too much today). I think it was easier to dance outside, but I swear there is less room. Without revealing too much we dancers need alot of space to work in, and somehow we just don't have it.


Also spent time "funneling" (watch on the 27th July and all will be revealed.) We worked out where trap doors will be, YES I FINALLY GET TO USE A TRAP DOOR!


Also did a little partner work. Standing close by our dance partner in a SPOONING fashion. Always rather odd to be spooning someone you only met a few minutes ago! Although he was a rather nice boy! The choreography for this number in particular is very challenging on the brain, think quickly! Did hit one or two close dancers on various parts of their bodies! 


All in all a good rehearsal. We have been told make-up ideas and costume changes. I haven't yet resolved my costume drama, but watch this space.....


Trust me, it is BLOODY HARD to not reveal just little snippets of information. After today I do feel more excited, as the scale of what we are part of slowly becomes real.

Strange Noises

Really should be asleep by now, got to be up at 6am tomorrow for another rehearsal!


MEH LOL
Sleep pattern is totally up the wall at the moment, i'm sure I will be awake until about 2am (as I usually am!)


Can I just say thank you to those who have written to me regarding posts on here. I appreciate the love! lol


Seriously just lying in bed now, all I can hear is eeirie banging noises coming from outside.....
Thats one thing I HATE about being on my own. When it comes to nightime, any noises are multiplied and amplified.
Listening......they sound like fireworks. (i hope)


11pm and FIREWORKS?!? REALLY? Isn't that illegal?


Anyway, yes another rehearsal tomorrow. First time in the new secret venue. And it's outdoors. The team want to get us used to performing outside and it will be the first time that all 1400 of us dancers will be performing together.


SCARY STUFF!


Okay that noise is still going on.
Freaking me out......am going to just lie here very still........can i just say that it is scary because it sounds like someone banging on my front door. :S help

Confessions of someone who has completely lost their way

My cat heard me crying and came running. Bless her. She doesn't usually, more likely she wants her dinner!
Okay, So I will hold my hands up and admit that I have never been one to control my emotions. I occasionally (like most people) need a bit of a cry.


I'm still stuck in this horrible pit of comparing myself to others. I always have done it, but recently it was all triggered off again by my meal out with old friends about a month ago. Unfortunately it knocked my confidence ALOT, and since then all I ever seem to do is spend my days.....almost longing for my life back again.


So to recap:
Left school at 16 with 9 GCSE's A*-B
Went onto 6th form - 3 AS levels B's and 2 aLevels C,D


I feel that anything I have achieved since then is just bollocks. Every extra qualification i've got, every bit of charity work i've done and every day of work experience I completed has led to nothing, and is appreciated by noone. 


I have a goal for September that I keep on telling people, but it seems good enough for nobody. I doubt myself because of what others say to me. Believe me, being torn between 2 posts is the worst feeling in the world. I walk towards something that I think I want, and that I think is good. But then suddenly i'm pulled in the other direction.
What pulls me that way?
People's comments. It could be anybody. To be honest, the worst people are those who are my own age. People I went to school with. I can think of 1 person in the whole of my 6th form who didn't go to uni (bar myself) and even they haven't exactly made a massive success of themselves, but they seem happy!

 I for one am not happy. 
People say they need the degree for jobs. Money is everything. Pushy Parents. Employers don't look at people with no degrees apparently.....does that mean me?


I'm sick and tired of it. People don't seem to realise how much their comments affect me. They are pushing me backwards when I was trying to move forwards. I gave up so much for my "friends" thinking that I possibly was as important in their lives as they in mine, for about 99.5% of the time I have been proved wrong. And as stated in previous posts, my friend count is now minimal. I have literally got nobody to turn to. 
My head is about to explode under the pressure that I feel i'm under. I even got so worked up earlier that I smashed my frame containing my Beauty Therapy Diploma.......


I have lost my way, and am unbelievably off course. Only 21, yet have so many regrets in life, mainly about my education. AND EDUCATION WAS NEVER THAT IMPORTANT TO ME! See what my bloody 6th form did to me (which by the way, is one of my biggest regrets)


Sometimes I can just pick myself up, but unfortunately the last month, I haven't been able to do that........the world is pushing me back into a hole that I have only just struggled out of

Looking at Others....

Teaches you a lot about yourself!


Having to sit through the final of BGT, and so this is perfect Facebook trawling time. 
Im also slightly drunk, so it's taking me extra long to write this.....having to think harder. And im not making any sense


Looking at dickheads from my 6th form, who were formerly my friends.
Pictures of them, all hanging out. 
And i'm sitting here thinking how much I hate going out and socializing. I used to be "one of them" when I was at 6th form, but I don't believe that was the real me. I wouldn't choose to go out, I would hate things like pub crawls.....
What is annoying is people around me who were once apparently "ANTI-SOCIAL" all I ever fucking see is the opposite. People are damn lying to me! That's all anyone EVER does to me. Seriously wish I could LIST PEOPLE BY NAME....infact
***** ********
*** ******
*** ******
**** *******
*** **********
***** *******
***** ****
****
**** *****
YES THESE ARE NAMES.......grrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! People need to put their boobs away, put the bottle away, close their legs, shut their mouths, smoking isn't cool, piercings aren't cool. 


So NO I am not a social person. I won't go out of my way to be social. Don't get me wrong, I have confidence in order to talk to people.....i'm not a social hermit. I just hate parties, clubbing, meals out, pubs etc
I'd much rather sit on my own. One reason I didn't go to uni was because I knew I wouldn't be able to hack the social life.


Call me a loser if you want. I don't care.


Seriously might actually go all the way and say that I hate people all together.
I'm mega tired right now too. Have been so tired lately, been doing too much during the day. :( 
Im tired :'( but hey, what does it matter what I am

Some things are just beyond saving.

That's when you have to let go.......

Breakfast Order - 1 Double Chocolate Muffin

Morning All!
Notice the absence of the word "good" here....


I see on the internet all the time, all these pictures claiming "WHAT A DIFFERENCE A WEEK MAKES". There are quite a few around our country at the moment, what with our rather unpredictable British May Weather! But seriously, what a difference a week makes......


I've had a morning of it already, and its only 8:45. A disturbed nights sleep, only because I knew my alarm was set for 7:00am! Had to walk a mile to catch a 8:30 train, which was cancelled, with a slower BUS REPLACEMENT service in place. Seeing as I had a quick turn around anyway at the next station, I thought "sod it", nothing is that important, and so I turned on my heels and walked briskly home, picking up a double chocolate muffin on the way.


Weighing up things in life. Sometimes they are just not worth the effort that you put in.
A job is not worth the money you get. A relationship is not worth the heartache you suffer. A project is not worth the effort you put it.


So many moments in life when one just has enough of something, and just says "SOD IT". Noone else can say it for you, only yourself. 


And boo, i've finished my muffin. At least I have another one! :)